The 10 Podium Commandments

Night clubs have always been frequented by a variety of people, many with particular needs and others with very simple ones. The only need I have when visiting a club is good music and a podium.

Unlike many, I don’t use the podium to ‘hock my wares’ or act like some Narcissistic He-Man. I really just need a place to escape the boring, uniformed, flat masses of the common club population.

I know a lot of those who visit Planet Urban are in the same boat so in this blog I will share with you a set of special rules to maximize your time on the podium as well as give those sharing the podium with you a heads up on certain areas. I have posted these in our forum but I can elaborate on them here. So behold The 10 Podium Commandments..

1 Thou shalt not sit on the podium. The podium’s for dancing and seats are often provided to the side.

2 Thou shalt not leave drinks, bags or other personal items on the podium. Seriously, such items create a mess and cause a health hazard.

3 Thou shalt not crowd the podium. A crowded podium means little fun for all and limits free bouncing. Try to give others a go, OK!

4 Thou shalt not stand motionless on the podium. The podium is a stage and you must perform.

5 Thou shalt not hog the podium. Everyone deserves a chance to shake their ass.

6 Thou shalt not use the podium as a means of promoting themselves. The podium is for dancing not advertising.

7 Thou shalt not slip or fall off the podium. For obvious reasons, this is most important commandment.

8i Thou shalt not try to pick up on the podium. Unless you are confident of success, it’s not worth getting bitch slapped in front of a whole club.
8ii Thou shalt not ignore pleasuring fine ladies on the podium. In contrast to rule 8i, if you’re being “frisked” by a fine lady, then waxin’ ass in front of a whole club is highly preferable.

9 Thou shalt not deny professional podium dancers of their job. It’s their place of work, so just get off as bouncers do push hard.

10 Thou shalt not be disrespectful of the safety of others on the podium. You must always be mindful that the podium is on a raised surface and arms and feet do get tangled.

Other points:
* Always be mindful as to where you are in relation to the edge of the podium. This will give you an idea of how much room you have to move.
* Try and dismount the podium with grace. A little jump often does the trick.
* Take into account the surface of the podium. With a sticky, dirty podium, you’re feet could drag and cause you to trip. A wet, slippery podium could make you slip. So try and position yourself on a smooth, clean podium for maximum freedom and enjoyment.
* There’s always someone watching you, so avoid doing anything that you wouldn’t do in front of an audience, ie. Picking a “wedgie.”
* Present yourself in a well groomed state as it is always good to look as well as you move.
* If you need the podium to find lost friends, do so in a quick and orderly fashion. (See commandment 4)
* Try and give ladies front position or more room. They are more susceptible to damage and need respect. (You can also get a more prominent view of their behinds)
* Remember to bounce in moderation.