My European Adventures (part 2 of 2)

I left you last while in a tricky situation where I was about to expose myself to an American family. Luckily their plans were thwarted by the trusty lock on my door. Since that night I have been safe and well with no more potentially lewd moments to speak of. The last days in Malta where spent visiting several awesome historical sites including the 3,800 year old megalithic temple ruins, the Blue Grotto (bloody beautiful), Mdina (the original capital of Malta), Valletta (the capital now) and St Johns Co-cathedral which was the highlight.

The ceiling depicts the life of St John The Baptist (patron saint of Malta) and the floor is covered in a mosaic of tombstones of the founding Grand Masters. There is also a Caravaggio depicting the execution of St John in the Oratory which is the largest piece he ever painted. I need to go back and hit some trendy spots though.

Back in Sardinia we visited some relatives of Gianni and had a BBQ with more meat than meat day at the county fair. They got some beef patties and flattened them then stuck in some bacon then some green stuff and then more beef.. madness.. nearly had to have heart surgery. I enjoyed some great food and company despite me not understanding most of the Italian being spoken. I felt like an alien at times and a dumb one too. After a few more beers we headed into town where we met more chums of Gianni - a lively bunch but got hella tired and was glad to head home. Soon we landed in Girona, Spain and our room was kick aaaass.

We went for a wonder and found this massive dance party in a forest clearing. Boogied a little and enjoyed some booze then back to our place. Trains in Barcelona and transport in general are great. Very easy to get and you don’t ever have to wait long at all. Our place was right off La Rambla and is fully decked out, we ate in a lot and washed and dried our stuff in house. La Rambla is the main lifestyle place in Barcelona. It is a long strip of bars, food places and stores where street performers are all over the place- just give them dough if you want a picture or they will chase you down and stick you with a pitch fork!

Around the corner there is a hoe hang out and the streets can stink at times but after a while you get use to it. Sometimes I am even a kin to the musky smell of ass. Had a mad meat lasagna and did shopping. They have these little half trolleys half baskets that you wheel around - they suck! Got some yac and then hit the town... was a little let down with the night life.. not many actual decent clubs on the strip and the bar tenders suck. Port Vell was nice and picturesque where we hit a dance club - they had a Bon Jovi tribute band (rock on!) but the bar tenders were topless and made me sad. But yes I did conquer the po! Somewhere between leaving the place and the next morning, I managed to sprain my left ankle, so who ever I took home must have been hella freaky ;)

When we got back to La Rambla, we were ambushed by some hoes. Man these chicks are predators, once they latch onto your arm, they never let go (I had one latched on for a day). You gotta watch them, they fall from the trees! It is always quite sad to see them.. they need to read more or play Donkey Kong.

Took in several sites including a cathedral, Arc De Triomf, Museu National D Art de Catalunya, Parc de la Ciutadella and Mirador de Colom. Google them they are nice :) We also saw Torre AGBAR - which was basically a big knob and Sagrada Familia cathedral. Still in progress since the 19^th century, the place is amazing and will take a while to finish building. Also had my first paella and I still can’t tell the difference between paella and risotto.

The fellas may be happy to know that one night we stumbled upon some free to air porn channels. Here I am sleeping and I hear all this ooohing and arring. I though, “Gianni, dude close the door bro.” Then I realised it was on TV.. geez!

Took in all the Antoni Gaudi sites (the dude is a mad crazy Spanish architect). Saw the museum in Park Guell, Casa Battlo and La Pedrera. I will save the description for all you art haters, I will just say that I loved Casa Battlo. One night we were rejected from an R&B club. I nearly head butt the door bi%tch. Gianni was like, "Yea we on the list, I’m Miguel, no, OK Sanchez, no, um Pablo?" HAHA .. even some chicks got knocked back so I was ok. We did find a better place anyway but they did not know what a Jagger bomb was!!!!

So we are walking down La Rambla and I see a hint of butt crack. My mouth soon dropped as right there in broad daylight, a dude was strutting down the street, completely naked. The dude had perky moobs and was plump as hell, so not what I wanted to see just after having a plate of pasta. Then we saw another.. man what a trial!

I need to see more English ads for The Simpsons movie!!! Grr!! I love the pharmacies in Europe - they all have glowing, neon green crosses out the front that blink in a mad fashion. When ever I go into one I feel like ordering a drink and rocking a podium.

Went to a few beaches, but I think I like my OZ beaches most. We met up later while there with Gianni’s mate Blair (who looked heaps like Billy Corgan). Had some drinks with more of their buds (Luke, Matt and Greg) - true blue Aussies.. ah it was actually good to talk about the footy. We saw the music and light show at the Museu National D Art de Catalunya. Gianni was like a kid in a candy store.. pics look gorgeous. It will be our last night here so soon we will be pimping in Paris and Amsterdam.

We had quite a small room in Paris and had a double bed; yea we got stiffed but only for two nights. Weather was much milder and even wet but it was lovely. Paris is like Florence with fewer sculptures but is cleaner and has more lighting. There was no rudeness to speak of in fact the people were very warm and hospitable while we were there. We were walking distance to a lot including Notre Dame Cathedral which was awesome and looked great at night. Also saw the Eiffel Tower at night which sparkles on the hour. In front at the foot of the tower are several parks where different people meet. Some couples some hippy dudes and well.. people who wanna drink n smoke.

You can get decent meals for 10 Euro and although I didn't try snails (which look like radioactive boogers) or frog’s legs, I watched in horror as G did. Trained it to Arc de Triumph which is in the middle of this massive intersection (13 streets jut out of it). We went to the top but it poured with rain. We did manage to get some shots off (we were the only douches up there). Lucky we snuck in for cheap as we pretended to be 18-year-old American tourists. Had some fun and games at the Toyota store and walked up Champs Elysees which leads to The Louvre. Ended up heading back to Eiffel Tower to take advantage of the sun and it was worth it.

It was a two hour wait to get to the top but the view is incredible. We saw a rainbow circle maaan!! I have video! We stayed into the evening and saw a bit of Paris light up so a good day despite the rain. There are some cute piano bars around but could not find any Alize!! Headed to Louvre next day only to find it is closed on Tuesdays - grrr!! May this be a lesson to you all.. go on Mondays!!

Wondered around and found the Moulin Rogue and a whole street of pron places.. why do you need so much pron I kept asking myself. Saw the Pantheon and a mad comic/pop culture place where I bought a General Grievous bust.

Got to Amsterdam OK, was a pain lugging about my toys. Hostel was great though - a nice communal place with a 'chill out' corner with pillows and tables to roll ya joints and put ya drinks I guess :P Amsterdam has clean looking buildings most are tall white town houses with painted window and door frames. Some buildings seem to jut out too.. very weird. We had a room with four beds and all our room mates were cool.

Two colours encapsulate Amsterdam - Red and green. I thought 'coffee shop' was a slang term for weed hangout but they are actually called coffee shops. But cafes are a no weed area. The red light district is full on. The district is on a walking tour and we saw some grannies peeping dildoes.. haha!

Hoes line the streets and bang on the windows to get your attention - sometimes they scare the shit out of you. They sit in little booths and I must say, the quality was top notch (no I didn’t partake). It isn’t all boobs and hash though. Small canals cut up the town like a Trivial Pursuit game piece. Bikes are the travel item here and you need to watch them.

Also visited the Anne Frank house - quite moving. Saw the original diary, it is half A4 and in an orange and yellow cross hatched cover. Hit a boat cruise to the Van Gogh museum.. awesome! I have been a Van Gogh fan since I could write. There are some great works there including The Potato Eaters, a version of Sunflowers and Irises and some great self portraits. It’s a three level gallery with a lot of other artists on show. Saw the windmills and although the place reeked of Vegemite, I thought it was a nice day out in the country. I patted some sheep and some ducks (ducks rock). If I could be an animal, I’d be a tiger, a horse and then a duck. Visited 'tiny town' which was cute but we got lost in Rotterdam.

We met this Japanese dude Tommy and much fun was had. On the street, black dudes are always trying to sell you hard drugs.. they whisper, "Want coke?" I thought one dude said, “Want cock?” I looked over at Gianni and replied, “Nah I’m good”.

Came across a great toy shop which had old and new stuff.. had some oooold He Men. Went to the Magic Mushroom gallery which was informative. Had a few joints which were recommended by our weed expert Tommy and hit a few bars and clubs. Tommy led us through the crowds like a half supernatural shaman, quite a site seeing he was so quiet and unassuming. We went to a live sex show which was quite funny actually. And after going to Madame Tussaudes, venturing on a massive last night pub crawl, feeling a few booties and knocking my head on a few lighting fixtures, I was ready to come home.

Thus ends my European adventure, I hope you had as much fun as I did.