My European Adventures (part 1 of 2)

A few months back I traveled to the other side of the globe with my close friend Gianni and made a six country trek around mainly Southern Europe. Along the way I managed to send home a few emails and the response to them was amazing.

Even though my only two friends responded, they did so with such gusto that I felt inclined to share them with you all. What do I care about Chris Z’s stupid European travels you may ask? Well, would you read on if I promised public nudity, big fake boobs and weed? Sounds good? Then read on.

I have arrived in Athens safe and sound. I hope everyone has been living well without my illustrious presence. The flight over was fine but the gauntlet I had to run through Duty Free was a trial. Henny to my left and Grants to my right, but it was the scotch that won the fight. Caught up on some movies on the way to Bangkok and even had a swig of Yac (again not Henny). Got a little bored, Gianni suggested we play tag with the stewards to see if they would join in and then they would tag the pilot and we'd crash.. maybe on the way back.

Every time before a movie, they showed a clip on Deep Vein Thrombosis. I thought to myself if I hadn't heard about this thing before I would have thought it was a weird sex position (yea too much time on my hands). When we got to Athens it was already hella warm. It got to 42 C our first day. The trains are nice but the city is rather dirty and broken down and has some odd smelling corners. But there are some nice pockets with collections of complimentary coloured buildings in old school steelo. Hard to get a real rhythm though look wise. Our room was a little small and I could barely wash my jubblies in the shower (so much for having a romantic shower with Gianni haha).

Athens is a maze of streets and after a wonder we headed to a few spots including the Acropolis, Olympic stadium and The Agora. Parking is available everywhere and I mean everywhere (some dude parked on my foot - I was understandably annoyed). Vespas and scooters buzz around everywhere and you need to make sure you don't lose a toe. The whole experience at places like the Parthenon make u feel rather.. well.. mortal.. ill. A lot of marble pops out of the ground I spent much time giggling at people slipping about until I nearly had a trip. Everyone speaks Greek here.. funny that. But I got by with a few nods and “We are Australian." Women here are slammin.. and excuse me but they have nice boobs (Gianni made me write that).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Heard a dope cut on TV I need to chase down.. other than that the music is not my thing. They got these buses with tram like appendages on the roof.. me and G call em "truses". You can smoke everywhere, even in Maccas. One day it was 48 C .. the hottest place on the planet. Can't believe we walked so much .. I shall wind it up as the last time I typed this .. I lost it.. I miss my computer already.

Left for Mykonos Wednesday and got there real quick (35 min). We got a lift to our hotel which was rather crummy. Pretty much hit the beach as soon as we could. We walked, was quite dangerous with no footpaths. But the beaches are quite nice and we hired beach beds.. Water was maaad, we had shade when needed but the crowd was a bit older.

Getting round is pretty much by bus and the odd lift into town here and there (lucky Gianni is willing to offer the odd sexual favour here and there). We thought our hotel was in the city centre but .. nope.. quite a bit out. Soon we headed into the city centre for a wonder. The middle part is a huge collection of shops, cafes, restaurants and bars. No roads just narrow white, stone encrusted streets where bikes can really only get through. Some delivery cars just get in. Neat little geometric houses with painted ledges and door ways weave around.

The port area is real nice and there is a great vibe. The bars were not for music aficionados like my self but fun enough. Went to the Down Under bar.. haha - no ID and free entry - I was scared I was gonna hit on a 16-year-old. Got real tired though and jetted back to hotel. Hit some other bars.. Lots of groping and old dudes hitting on tourists eew! Spent a lot of time by the pool and read, wrote a lot. Got some pretty decent poems down - choice!

Will share this convo I had with Gianni:

C: I racked a towel

G: That's initiative.

C: No that’s desperation.

G: No.. desperation is f*&king the donkey in the field out there.

HAHA I liked that. It goes without saying that there were a few animals other than our selves roaming the paddocks. No one here has our sense of humour. We went to Paradise beach which contained lots more youngens, lots more boobies and ace bars. Cocktail places line the back of the beach just like you would imagine in some beach paradise :P Bubble machines, mad waitresses and lots more house music. We chatted to this Chilean chick with fake boobs who was hella friendly and then some Spanish birds.. got no play though.. must have had too much garlic in my last gyro.

We have this dumb ass staying in our hotel that we saw at the beach. He wanted a price on an umbrella and G said, "There is some shade over here." Dude goes, "Shade! U kiddin, we want sun!" Like G was a dumb fool. Like where is the love man.. no thanks man we cool.. pff morons. Hit this club called Space dance.. but it was on Earth.. false advertising. Got pretty trashed with some Vodka I had drank before and ended up conquering a few podiums. Man where the real party ppl at!? Was a bit over it. Some people here have thought me and G are gay. Yea OK, just because I am sexy and like Duran Duran.. pff. There is this one real nice bar on the water.. like right on it. Water sprays inside sometimes. After some lewd bar shenanigans we were ready to hit Milan.

What was meant to be an uneventful one night stop over in Milan turned out to be a lot more than we bargained for. So we are a bit hungry and we are told to go up the road to the left by this dude at our hotel. We go right :P and end up at this Italian diner run by Asians with Asian decor.. ok whatever. We order and then a while later we hear a scream coming from out the back and our waitress runs out the door and throws herself out onto the pavement outside, blood all over her back.

We are then asked to leave as the chef had just offed himself.. yea slit his throat or somethin.. kid you not.. may be Gianni shouldn’t have asked for extra Salami on his pizza. We left and went to the right place and met a Spanish couple.. headed back and got a train to Florence the next morning.

We got a mad apartment right in town - old classic feel with appliances and linen. We got out ASAP booking a spot at the Uffizi gallery and while we waited we hit the Cathedrale di Santa Mania Del Fiore (Renaisance freaks will know this place has the dome designed by Filippo Brunelleschi), Basilica di San Lorenzo, Palazzo Vecchio and others. Art drifts around Florence everywhere! There are people sketching and painting on the street, sculptures on every corner, frescoes here and there and monumental buildings that look over you (I swear if they could, they would slap you like their bitch). Uffizi gallery took a while to get through, but it was worth it.. me and G got told off for talking Ebonics.

 

Then we saw David!!! Thing is massive, we snuck in a few pictures with it but really you just need to soak it up yourself. Man the look on the dudes face is something that would scare the crap out of the most bold motherf&^%er. Waited 2-3 hours for it but met some cool people in line so all good. It was one of many humbling experiences of the last few days.

On our last night in Florence we wanted to show the people there how to partay! We met this Oz dude who was a big army bloke (who we met lining up for David).. we agreed that he had the looks, I had the moves and Gianni... well Gianni had the fat. We hooked up with this group of US chicks and wondered around then hit a small bar, embarrassed myself then hit a decent RnB club, and it was on! Once again, all where left in my wake as I moved, glided and thrusted myself about to the sounds of oooohhs and arrrrs. Met this Russian chick who was pazow, wanted to take her home! Too bad I had a train to catch in a few hours.. yes it was an all-nighter. Stumbled home almost half naked with the smell of freshly made pastries wafting about and then rested for 30 minutes before heading off to Pisa.

We saw the leaning tower from the air and soon we landed in Alghero, Sardinia. Gianni has relatives there so we got a good hook up. The place is very nice, with neat buildings and some nice old monuments. Just as I had settled in I was off to Malta.. had to bus it down to Cagliari (south tip of Sardinia) and heard Daniel Merriweather on the way.. go MEL! Stayed at Caglairi airport over night and then planed it to Rome only to miss my flight to Malta because of late baggage claim (took an hour to pop out - long story) grr! Had to stay overnight.. was sick of saying 'Grazie' and 'Prego' (sounds like a pregnant teenager). Hotel in Rome was nice though, had a mad Pasta Tagliari or something.. mm! Oh and I got a phone charger so it was a fruitful day.

Right now I am in the motherland. Malta is great and my place is right on the Bay of Marsascala - been hocking boogers on dudes in their boats. Saw some spots where my mum grew up. First night some family tried to get into my room - lost I guess. But I decided to sleep neked that night so I was thinking, do I want them to come in or not?? One part said hell no, you naked man, they'll see ya bits and it's my house, kitty! But another said, yea come in and see my tight ass as a nice welcome - your wife won't wanna leave haha.